When you speak to people, do you minimise your heartaches? 
“I know I should be grateful, but…” 
“I know it could be worse, but...” 
“I know I haven’t really lost anything, but...” 
It seems universal that we downplay the struggles in our lives because we are taught to be grateful, stay positive, or that someone always has it worse than we do. We see it every day in our Grief Recovery programmes – people who are grieving but aren’t giving themselves permission to grieve. 
What does repressing our grief do to us in the long term? For one thing, we go through life feeling like we shouldn’t be feeling what we’re feeling because after all, it could always be worse. But these feelings don’t go away, they actually accumulate over time. We go through life smiling and saying we’re fine, but in private we may numb or soothe our pain by bingeing on TV, mobile phone use, shopping or food. We may find ourselves being triggered by seemingly harmless sights, scents and sounds. Ultimately, all of this accumulated grief may make it difficult or impossible to lead a happy, carefree life. 
What grief do you carry inside? 
What do you think would happen if you were to let it out? 
The fact is that every loss, griever and relationship is unique. We do not compare losses because they are not comparable. Instead, we acknowledge the pain we’ve had in our lives and do not try to underestimate the ways in which it affects us. We learn the action steps necessary for recovering from that grief and watch our life be transformed. 
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