Posts tagged “Invisible Losses”

Lockdown has brought about a sudden and unexpected loss of income for thousands. Even those who have been put on the furlough scheme are still not in receipt of their full monthly income. Then there are those who have been excluded from government schemes, such as the newly self-employed, company directors, and freelance workers. Some have taken pay cuts, and others have lost their jobs altogether. 
 
This level of loss can be devastating. It’s the loss of your financial security, loss of perhaps being able to buy food, and could mean the loss of your home. There are no ceremonies around the loss of finances and the dreams that went with them. We are left feeling unfinished and lost. 
Financial loss during lockdown
Are you suffering from the physical symptoms of grief? It's surprising how physical grief can be. Your heart can literally ache. A memory can cause your stomach to tighten or a send a shiver down your spine. Some nights, your mind might race, causing your heart to race along with it, filling your body with energy that means you can hardly sleep. On other nights you might be so exhausted that you fall asleep immediately and still manage to wake up the next morning feeling shattered. 
Physical pain due to grief
Have you been furloughed, taken a pay cut, or lost your job as a direct result of COVID-19 and Lockdown? Are you still working but worried about the long-term impact on your income? Many people are feeling just as anxious about finances as they are about catching the virus. Yesterday, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak told us not to expect a quick economic recovery and that the number claiming Unemployment Benefit soared in April. 
 
Nobody could have planned financially for this or saved up and put money aside; it was not a predictable loss. However, the loss of income or loss of financial security is causing pain and disruption
Lost job during lockdown and worried about money
Have you had your upcoming nuptials put back or cancelled because of the lockdown? Maybe you have got wedding plans for later in the year and you’re unsure about what will happen. You may also be feeling down at the thought of continuing to plan a wedding that may not be able to take place. We’ve heard about brides-to-be feeling guilty for feeling sad, anxious or bereft. We can only imagine how disappointing, upsetting or frustrating this time has been for brides-to-be and wanted to let you know that it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable to feel what you’re feeling. 
Wedding cancelled because of lockdown
Teenagers have been going through a mixed bag of emotions; the loss of expected hopes, dreams and expectations, elation then perhaps deflation at not having to sit their exams that they’ve worked so hard for, the sadness of missing out on the right of passage of finishing school, no high school proms, and not having their friends around them. Their sense of community has been taken away from them. Until education resumes for them, they may have very little sense of purpose. 
As people around the world celebrate International Pride Month, it’s a great opportunity to shed light on some of the issues facing the LGBTQ community in terms of grief and loss. 
From the very beginning, many people report the loss of identity that occurs when questioning their sexuality or realising that they have an identity other than the heterosexual one that is usually expected by their parents and the society at large. Furthermore, there may be a loss of hopes, dreams and expectations when realising that marriage and starting a family may be made much more challenging by regulations that do not yet support non-heterosexual couples. 
Loss of identity faced by LGBT
 
Whether it be to a new home, a new school, or to a different country, all of us will have moved at some point in our lives. 
 
Many moves happen during childhood, when young families expand and build homes, experience a job transfer, or find a better suited school for their children. Well-meaning parents, anticipating that the move may be difficult, scary or painful for their child, try to ward off any negative feelings by making positive, hopeful statements. 
 
Alone on your birthday? Valentine’s Day? New Year's Eve? 
 
Some special days and events are powerful reminders of the fact that someone very important is missing from our life. Valentine's Day, like birthdays and anniversaries, is one of those very special days that can create an immense amount of painful emotional energy. 
 
For those of us who have lost a partner, are looking for love, are divorced, or may not have the relationship of our dreams, the flood of images and sentimental relationship posts on social media may be overwhelming and exacerbate our feelings of loneliness. 
You didn’t get that job. 
They didn’t accept your offer on the house. 
 
You may regard these disappointments as “just a part of life”. Nevertheless, they can still affect us deeply. We may ask ourselves why we’re so bothered about something we never really had in the first place. Why is that? Why can’t we get over it? 
 
This weekend mothers all over the UK will be receiving gifts from their children and partners to celebrate motherhood. We would like to look at the holiday from a less common perspective, acknowledging those who may be experiencing more painful emotions than happy ones on Mothering Sunday. 
 
Some of us may find this occasion difficult to celebrate because we have never been able to experience motherhood even though it has been one of our hopes and dreams. 
 
Others may struggle with this day because motherhood has not been everything they expected it to be. 
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