Posts tagged “What is Grief Recovery?”

Mandy tells her story to Carole Henderson 

There were no warning signs 

 "please don't think that by recovering you're dishonouring their memory"    

Dec 5th 2017 was a normal evening in the Baxter household. Well that's what Mandy, wife to Vince and Mum to 3 children thought, oblivious to what was to come the next day. The following day when Vince didn't come home from work was the first inkling that something was wrong. Tragically Vince, her husband of almost 30 years, soulmate and best friend had taken his own life and her world was torn apart. The shock and disbelief was massive, yet very quickly Mandy realised she needed help - she had no idea how to begin to support their kids and being a woman of action she began to research.  
 
For nearly 40 years the Grief Recovery Method has helped people all over the world move beyond bereavement, divorce and other losses. As a result of the work of over 10,000 Grief Recovery Specialists our programmes have received many thousands of thank you notes, reviews, testimonials and feedback surveys speaking of the huge difference this structured, heart led approach has made. 
 
In Spring 2019 we reached a new milestone when the peer reviewed "American Journal of Health Education" (Volume 50 issue 2 to be precise" published research carried out by Dr Nolan and Dr Hallam of Kent University Ohio confirmed that the Grief Recovery Method made a measurable postivie impact on the grief journey of the participant. 
 
So what does this mean? 
Grief Recovery Method is obvious choice for those commissioning grief support services
 
Is recovery from grief really possible? 
 
This question is often the topic of debate, as those who have suffered a loss know that their lives will never be the same again. It has also been said that we do not recover from grief, but rather that we learn to live with it over time. 
 
So...what is recovery? 
 
When we refer to recovery in the context of the Grief Recovery Method, we refer to the set of action steps that allow grievers to heal the pain that they are experiencing as the result of a specific loss. We also discuss the myths that our society continues to pass down that can compound the feelings of sadness and isolation that grievers are already experiencing. 
recovery from grief
Is grief really the “price of love”? 
 
There have been many positive developments in the dialogue people are having about grief in recent years. This is an improvement from earlier times when grief was only discussed in private or not at all. 
 
The increase in discussion around the topic unfortunately does not mean that misinformation surrounding grief ceases to exist. In fact, the wealth of information at our fingertips and the speed at which material is shared on the internet mean that misinformation tends to spread more quickly than ever before. Since this can contribute to the isolation of grievers and eventually lead to unresolved grief, we think it is important to continue spreading awareness of the myths surrounding loss and bereavement. 
grief, bereavement
You didn’t get that job. 
They didn’t accept your offer on the house. 
 
You may regard these disappointments as “just a part of life”. Nevertheless, they can still affect us deeply. We may ask ourselves why we’re so bothered about something we never really had in the first place. Why is that? Why can’t we get over it? 
When you speak to people, do you minimise your heartaches? 
 
“I know I should be grateful, but…” 
 
“I know it could be worse, but...” 
 
“I know I haven’t really lost anything, but...” 
 
It seems universal that we downplay the struggles in our lives because we are taught to be grateful, stay positive, or that someone always has it worse than we do. We see it every day in our Grief Recovery programmes – people who are grieving but aren’t giving themselves permission to grieve. 
To say that people are uncomfortable with emotions such as sadness, rage or fear – especially after a personal loss – is an understatement. 
 
Sit back for a moment and think about the times in your life when you were feeling sad and tried to talk about those feelings with others. On a few occasions your friend or family member may have simply listened without analysis, criticism or judgement. More often than not, however, you may have received one of the following responses:- 
I remember vividly within days of my husband Kevin dying being asked about his stuff. Honestly! You would imagine that there would be a whole host of other topics people would ask about before this, but no. Everyone wanted to know "have you done anything about the clothes yet?" 
If you are reading this and grieving yourself I bet you will have immediately noticed that these possessions which sat next to his skin have been de-personalised. THE clothes, not his clothes. "The Clothes", as if they are wild animals which left untamed & uncaptured will riot around the house (ie your life) out of control.  
So having lived this, discussed this with dozens of other grieving people and read hundreds of accounts of dealing with these wild beasties here is my suggested way to go about it:  
Clothes after a bereavement
 
One of the most common questions we get asked is "What is the difference between what you do and Cruse?" 
There are lots of points of difference, here and in the video Carole Henderson explains the top five key ways that the Grief Recovery Method and Certified Grief Recovery Specialists are different to Cruse and Cruse Bereavement Support Workers. 
 
In 2006 my husband Kevin died aged 41 from the most curable form of cancer. When his life ended so did my world. When people said (trying to be helpful) he’s out of pain I’d look at them in dumb shock. On a bad moment I’d reply “lucky him, mine has just got unbearable.” 
 
How I could still be alive and in so much pain? I wouldn’t let myself think of continuing to live with this pain and without him, I started to exist from moment to moment, these were the darkest days of my life. I remember sitting on the harbour wall in Malta at Christmas – I’d fled there to try to escape – leaning forward and contemplating letting go and falling in. 
Kevin Batchelor - husband of Carole Henderson MD Grief Recovery UK
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