Posts tagged “What is Grief Recovery?”

Have you ever lost a pet and found that you’ve grieved in silence? Without realising it, others can be extremely hurtful and unhelpful with their reactions, such as ‘It was only a cat,’ or ‘Are you going to get another dog?’ While others might not understand our pain, we often don’t know how to help ourselves, either. 
 
Losing a pet, especially if you’ve had a close bond, can feel as devastating as losing a close relative or friend. Your feelings may have been amplified if your pet died during Lockdown, and perhaps even left you feeling isolated. 
Grief caused by loss of a pet
Grief is usually associated with the experience of loss, but anticipatory grief can start as soon as you become aware that death is on the cards. Once death is even just a possibility, it wouldn’t be unusual to start grieving. 
 
Anticipatory grief can bring about many of the same symptoms of grief, including sadness, forgetfulness, lack of concentration, and feeling down. We may also grieve the person who is dying’s loss of independence, hopes, stability, and identity. 
 
You may also find yourself in a heightened state of alert, waiting for the phone to ring, or watching your loved one deteriorate a bit more. This can feel exhausting. If your loved one has had a long-term illness during the last few months when hospital visits are only permitted right at the end of life, this feeling of waiting for the phone to ring may have been even more heightened. 
Anticipatory Grief
After a loss, you may consciously or unconsciously keep busy. You may throw yourself wholeheartedly into work or clean your house relentlessly, or spend every waking hour gardening, to distract yourself from your grief; anything to avoid thinking about that pain. You might become so busy that you collapse into bed at night relieved that you’ve survived another day and relieved that you’re so tired you sleep. 
 
As we go on experiencing other losses, we carry on being strong and busy, thinking that it’s the right thing to do. What you’re doing is ignoring and burying the pain, disrespecting your emotional needs, building grief upon grief, and storing up problems for later in life. In fact, what you are really doing is surviving on the surface of life instead of experiencing it to the full – good, bad, happy, or sad. 
Distracting ourselves by keeping busy
Are you suffering from the physical symptoms of grief? It's surprising how physical grief can be. Your heart can literally ache. A memory can cause your stomach to tighten or a send a shiver down your spine. Some nights, your mind might race, causing your heart to race along with it, filling your body with energy that means you can hardly sleep. On other nights you might be so exhausted that you fall asleep immediately and still manage to wake up the next morning feeling shattered. 
Physical pain due to grief
Have you had your upcoming nuptials put back or cancelled because of the lockdown? Maybe you have got wedding plans for later in the year and you’re unsure about what will happen. You may also be feeling down at the thought of continuing to plan a wedding that may not be able to take place. We’ve heard about brides-to-be feeling guilty for feeling sad, anxious or bereft. We can only imagine how disappointing, upsetting or frustrating this time has been for brides-to-be and wanted to let you know that it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable to feel what you’re feeling. 
Wedding cancelled because of lockdown
Are you dragging a heavy load of pain with you as you go about life? 
 
Here are some signs: 
 
1. You find it harder to be amused by jokes or things meant to be funny. 
 
2. You’re tired and irritable but don’t understand why. 
 
3. There are certain topics/songs/films/places you avoid because they remind you of something uncomfortable in your past. 
 
4. You seem to be angry at something but you can’t put your finger on what that is. 
 
5. You numb out on TV, food, your phone or other “guilty pleasures” whenever you start to feel sad. 
 
All of us are burdened by certain events or relationships that weigh us down. The trouble is, over time we get so used to carrying this extra weight that we don’t even notice it’s there anymore (or remember how it got there). 
tired from past losses

Mandy tells her story to Carole Henderson 

There were no warning signs 

 "please don't think that by recovering you're dishonouring their memory"    

Dec 5th 2017 was a normal evening in the Baxter household. Well that's what Mandy, wife to Vince and Mum to 3 children thought, oblivious to what was to come the next day. The following day when Vince didn't come home from work was the first inkling that something was wrong. Tragically Vince, her husband of almost 30 years, soulmate and best friend had taken his own life and her world was torn apart. The shock and disbelief was massive, yet very quickly Mandy realised she needed help - she had no idea how to begin to support their kids and being a woman of action she began to research.  
 
For nearly 40 years the Grief Recovery Method has helped people all over the world move beyond bereavement, divorce and other losses. As a result of the work of over 10,000 Grief Recovery Specialists our programmes have received many thousands of thank you notes, reviews, testimonials and feedback surveys speaking of the huge difference this structured, heart led approach has made. 
 
In Spring 2019 we reached a new milestone when the peer reviewed "American Journal of Health Education" (Volume 50 issue 2 to be precise" published research carried out by Dr Nolan and Dr Hallam of Kent University Ohio confirmed that the Grief Recovery Method made a measurable postivie impact on the grief journey of the participant. 
 
So what does this mean? 
Grief Recovery Method is obvious choice for those commissioning grief support services
 
Is recovery from grief really possible? 
 
This question is often the topic of debate, as those who have suffered a loss know that their lives will never be the same again. It has also been said that we do not recover from grief, but rather that we learn to live with it over time. 
 
So...what is recovery? 
 
When we refer to recovery in the context of the Grief Recovery Method, we refer to the set of action steps that allow grievers to heal the pain that they are experiencing as the result of a specific loss. We also discuss the myths that our society continues to pass down that can compound the feelings of sadness and isolation that grievers are already experiencing. 
recovery from grief
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