Wedding Postponed Because of Lockdown? Here's What to Do
Posted on 24th April 2020 at 10:02
Have you had your upcoming nuptials put back or cancelled because of the lockdown? Maybe you have got wedding plans for later in the year and you’re unsure about what will happen. You may also be feeling down at the thought of continuing to plan a wedding that may not be able to take place. We’ve heard about brides-to-be feeling guilty for feeling sad, anxious or bereft. We can only imagine how disappointing, upsetting or frustrating this time has been for brides-to-be and wanted to let you know that it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable to feel what you’re feeling.
Well-meaning comments only make it worse
After receiving lots of messages from would-be guests enquiring about your wedding plans, you may have been told repeatedly that it could be worse, or it’s ok, you can get married another time by well-meaning friends and relatives. Their intention to make you feel better may have left you feeling worse, when in fact you just need to be heard and given permission to feel the way you feel.
It's normal to grieve
Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind. What you’re experiencing right now is a loss of hope and expectations of your special day, on the day that you wanted it to take place, following a long period of careful planning and booking. Therefore, the feelings you are having are normal and natural for you.
When you compare one grief to another, it automatically robs dignity from the person who’s made to feel as if their loss isn’t as big, for whatever reason. It also takes away from the fact that all grief is experienced at 100%.
No hierarchy of grief
No one can say their grief is bigger or smaller than yours, there is no hierarchy of grief. However, the fact that all grief is experienced at 100% doesn’t mean that all grief is experienced at the same level of emotional intensity. The loss of your parent presents a very different set of emotions to having a wedding postponed. Be empathetic to each other right now and mindful that everyone is grieving something or someone.
If you're grieving the loss of plans, certainty, or even your wedding, here are some tips on what you can do:
Talk to your maid of honour, or someone close and tell them how you’re really feeling. Tell them you just need someone to listen, so that they’re not tempted to try and ‘fix’ you or interrupt.
If you need to cry, do it. You’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by rearranging everything, ask family and friends for help.
Mark the day that should have been your wedding day. Do something nice together; a walk, watch a film, have an online get-together with your guests, have a special meal together and pop open some bubbles!
Give yourself permission to look forward to your future wedding.
Do something special for your fiancé to demonstrate your love.
Listen to music and dance. Music makes everything better - you might even take the opportunity to polish up that first slow dance!
Make a list of the things you had been looking forward to on your big day and read it out loud. If it makes you cry, so be it. Once you've acknowledged what you've lost, you make space for something new and maybe even better to occur.
We hope this has given you a few ideas for ways to grieve the loss of your plans and hopefully lift your spirits. If you don't feel up to doing anything right now, that's okay too. We would never tell you to keep busy in order to distract yourself from your feelings. Once you've acknowledged how you're feeling, however, you may decide to do something next. Perhaps reading one of our other articles on lockdown will help as well.
Whatever you decide, our hearts go out to you - and when your big day finally comes, we hope it is a beautiful celebration beyond your wildest dreams.
Have you seen our Top 5 tips for living through lockdown?
Take a look at our 5-point Plan for how to cope, improve your relationships and start feeling better today:
2. Be present
5. Say goodbye
Looking to expand your in-depth knowledge?
Would you like to speak to someone or are considering a Grief Recovery programme? Click here to find an online Specialist who can help you right away.
If you would like more information on how to cope with the current coronavirus crisis, see also:
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