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So if Grief is normal what’s the problem?
The problem is that while grief is a natural emotion following a bereavement or any other significant emotional loss, most of what society teaches us about it and how to deal with it is intellectual. You can’t fix a feeling using a rational argument yet our friends, family and sadly too many professionals do this every day. For example following a bereavement they may say “don’t be upset she’s out of pain” while the second half of this statement may be technically (rationally) true it is emotionally barren. They’ve moved the subject away from your feelings and on to those of the person who died. This intellectualisation of grief is so endemic we barely notice it anymore.
We just know when people make comments they are by and large unhelpful or even hurtful despite being uttered with the best of intentions. Over the years of working with many thousands of grievers we’ve realised that the 6 myths associated with loss first identified by John James are almost wholly universal.
The 6 Myths
Replace the loss
Don’t feel bad
The idea that time heals is particularly cruel. We’ve known people wait ten, twenty, thirty years and more and still be in pain. How long are they supposed to wait?
The truth is that all time does is pass. It is the actions you take during that time that determine how completely you recover. The Grief Recovery Method teaches you the correct actions so you don’t have to hopelessly wait in pain.